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Questionaire

         I was recently mailed this by a friend (although really, can you qualify someone who mails you this type of crap as a friend :-), and as I was responding, I thought what the hell, lets bore the crap out of my visitors by posting it. So here it is in all its glory (okay I admit I edited slightly to remove personal details).

1. NUMBER OF CANDLES ON LAST BIRTHDAY CAKE? Eight, I haven't had a birthday cake for years. Or was that an obtuse way of asking how old I am?

2. HEIGHT? 6ft'ish

3. COLOR OF EYES? Although you are British you've chosen to spell "Colour" the American way, was this a conscious decision, a result of Americanisation of the English language, or the fact you're a lazy f*ck and stole this off an American?

Oh, and blue.

4. PIERCINGS? None, I'm way too chicken to let someone dig any holes through my flesh which aren't absolutely necessary.

5. TATTOOS? None, although I've always considered getting one, but it always comes down to two problems, 1) With what image would I want to PERMANENTLY scar my flesh, 2) I'm chicken, and tattoos look bloody painful.

6. HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE YOUR JOB? {hollow laugh} Job! hah ! I'm a lazy bum student and proud of it.

7. FAVORITE QUOTE FROM A MOVIE? "I'm Batman", okay not my favourite, but it's the only quote from a film that I can remember at this particular moment, if I come up with any startling flashes of insight which are likely to shatter your world, I'll mail them on later.

8. FAVORITE SONG? Currently "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama, I have no idea why, perhaps because my hayfever is playing up and I hate sunshine, but it seems strangely poignant at this time.

9. FAVORITE TV SHOW? Star Cops.

10. LAST PERSON YOU RECEIVED AN E-MAIL FROM? "Tropic-Inks" yinfo-shct@gooddeal.cc, offering me savings of up to 90% on inkjet and laser cartridges.

11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED? I'm a guy, what the hell do you think I do ? I read porn and maturbate like a wild monkey !

Or read.

Or browse the web

Or watch a video

Or phone someone

Or update my website !

Although obviously, these are all when I'm on my own, if I'm bored when in company I usually leave (since its not polite to drop your trousers and start pleasuring yourself in the middle of a dull conversation, although that said, it would certainly stop boring people from reducing everyone elses happiness.

12. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I'm not reading a book NOW, I'm answering this stupid-ass questionnaire. Although if I was reading, the book I'd be finishing off is "At the Mountains of Madness" by H P Lovecraft.

13. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A mouse? Well actually two mice,a trackball and a thick layer of dust.

14. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Erm, Heroquest's quite fun. Space Hulk was great, but haven't played a board game in years.

15. FAVORITE SMELL? Hmmm, aroused women or piles of money, which do I prefer? Okay, aroused women in piles of money !

16. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? Pus, not nice at all.

17. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Cats Purring, good music, nubile human females !

18. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Hangovers ! Or that feeling just after you have sex with someone you really shouldn't have.

19. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Sometimes its "Where am I", sometimes it's a more basic "What am I", and sometimes its just "Wheres the bloody alarm clock" so I can shut the damn thing up.

20. FAVORITE COLOR? Dunno, I'm pretty ambivalent to them all.I suppose flesh colour is my favourite, after all that's what I prefer women to wear !

21. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? I don't eat out enough to have a favourite, unless you include KFC.

22. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends how far away from it I am, or if I'm hoping someone else will answer it.

23. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Albert !, although that may be a little cruel for a little girl.

24. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Breathing ! You can manage without most other things for a few days at least, but lack of oxygen will kill you in minutes.

25. FAVORITE FOODS? I'm Scottish so anything deep fried in fat and covered in piles of salt is popular.

Honestly? , Prawns, Tuna, Fish Suppers, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Strawberry's, White chocolate. Although not usually on the same plate.

26. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Phrased like that, I'd choose Chocolate over raw vanilla any day. However if you mean Ice Cream, then Vanilla, as I hate "Chocolate" flavoured anything.

27. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Well since I don't own a car, and have no licence, the nearest to driving I have come is playing Outrun, so yes, or I lose and have to put more money in.

28. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No, That'd be creepy in a Norman Bates kind of way. Unless you mean a toy animal as opposed to an actual animal, stuffed, in either case No.

29. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Yes. They're scary which is why they're cool.

30. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Either Pedal or Matchbox.

31. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? Well I guess alive would be better, as the dead just sit there rotting slightly, so I'll choose alive.

32. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Vodka.

33. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aquarius.

34. DO YOU EAT THE STEM OF BROCCOLI? I don't eat ANY of broccoli, never mind the stem.

35. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Millionaire playboy.

36. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? Either bleached or pink/red.

37. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes, but I refuse to tell you with what!

38. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Yes. I don't see the difference personally.

39. FAVORITE MOVIES? Pump up the Volume, Star Trek 2, Star Wars (1,4,5,6), The Thing, Gattaca, Highlander, Where Eagles Dare, Akira, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Clerks, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mallrats, The Hidden, Assault on Precinct 13, Forbidden Planet, The Italian Job . . . . The list goes on.

40. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Huh ! No I flail my hands wildly at the keyboard and get an editor to delete the characters which don't make any sense.

41. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? An entrance to Narnia, Shergar, Lord Lucan, 14 million dollars in used notes, the Lost Continent of Atlantis, Michael Barrymore's career, some severed heads, a tribe of savages as yet uncontacted by civilisation, George Lucas's talent.
In reality all that's under my bed is the cable for my stereo.

42. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? That depends on in what circumstances, if I'm looking at my bank balance then 8,000,000,000 would be a favourite, if its a doctors report on the number of years I have left to live then any three digit number is acceptable, if its on a tax demand then the number 0 is lovely (as long as it doesn't follow other numbers. But in most other circumstances 2 is what I consider to be my favourite.

43. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Anything which involves nubile young females jumping up and down a lot in skimpy clothing. I'm not really much of a sports fan.

44. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I'm going away soon, so won't have to read their mail for a while.

45. PERSON YOU WILL SEND THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Well I'm not going to send it to anyone, so this is all in theory. But the person most likely to respond is also the person who sent it to me, as they would respond with "Hey, I sent this to you?", although they might answer it as apparently they like this kind of crap.

46. PERSON YOU WILL SEND THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Again in theory, I'm guessing President Bush wouldn't be likely to respond, so its either him or Rasputin, as he hasn't answered his email in ages.

47. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 20 YEARS? In my imagination in a mansion living the life of a millionaire playboy, in reality I guess either in the ground, in an asylum or living in mundanity.

48. IF YOU HAD THE CHOICE OF ANY SUPERHERO POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Stretching powers, just imagine how you could impress the chicks with that.

49. FAVORITE JOKE? One that makes me laugh, something along the lines of.

A guy walks into a bar, and as he looks around he spots Adolf Hitler having a conversation with the bartender.
He walks up to Hilter and says "Hey, you evil little bastard, I thought you were dead!".
To which Hitler responds "I was, but I came back from the dead to resurrect the Third Reich, and to kill 6 million Jews and 3 sheep."
"What?" the man exclaimed "Why are you going to kill 3 sheep?"
"See" said Hitler turning back to the bartender "No one cares about the Jews".